2017年4月5日水曜日

Model Writing-Sr.2-Apr.5th

Dear Sam,
1st Paragraph: Introduction in two or three sentences. State the main point clearly.
I’m glad to hear that you’re enjoying your life here in Japan and want to spend some more years. So, I’d like to give you a piece of advice that may make your staying even more exciting and memorable. I recommend you to travel to Hokkaido.

2nd Paragraph: Write your advice in three to five sentences. Write another for an additional idea if any.
As you know, Hokkaido is the northernmost island. It is a big island in our scale but there aren’t so many people or businesses in most part of the island. Therefore, the nature is well preserved, such as mountains, lakes, forests, sea shores and wild animals. <= In winter, it is cold and icy but you can enjoy skiing in the world class ski resorts. In summer, you can travel anywhere by train, bus, bike or even hitch-hiking. There are a lot to see in any part of the island.

3rd Paragraph: Write your advice in three to five sentences. Write another for an additional idea if any.
Also, they offer excellent local tastes such as ramen noodles and seafood. <= Ramen noodles in Sapporo, the capital of the prefecture, are so popular that almost all the visitors there try it. Its unique miso-based soup is usually thick and rich. There is a popular place called Ramen Yokocho where numbers of ramen restaurants offer different types and tastes of ramen noodles. Also, you can easily imagine how fresh the seafood there is. The most popular seafood there is salmon. There are several kinds of salmon dishes and they are all good. But I would suggest you should try Ishikari-nabe. It’s a hotpot dish made with salmon and vegetables in miso based soup. It’s not only tasty but also keeps you warm even in the severe winter there.

Last Paragraph: Conclude your email to encourage and cheer him up in two or three sentences.
Sam, I believe Hokkaido offers most memorable experiences for you. It may even remind you the sceneries and nature of your country. I hope a trip to Hokkaido will make your life in Japan even more enjoyable.
Best regards,
TK

tell sb sth, talk about, explain ~/sth to sb/about

recommend ~/sb to do, give advice on ~, a piece of advice

33 件のコメント:

  1. Dear Sam.
    I'm glad to hear that you're enjoying your life in Japan.
    I want to stay more longer and enjoy life more than Auckland.
    So, I recommend you to visit Osaka.

    Osaka is a big city. There are a lot of places or foods. I introduce most famous place and food.

    The famous place is Universaal Stadio Japan. As you know, it is a big theme park.
    There are many attractions.
    For example, The Amazing Adventures of Spider-man and The Wizarding World of Harry Potter.
    They are vary exiciting. Try visiting there and riding many attractions.

    And also the famous food is Japanese pancake which is called "Okonomiyaki".
    The food is using a variety of ingredients. For example, four, eggs, meat and so on.
    It is very delicious. I like it very much. Try eating "Okonomiyaki".

    Sam, Osaka is one of the most pleasant cities in Japan.
    Best regard, Daishu

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  2. Dear Sam,
    I'm happy to hear that you want to live in Japan for a long time.
    I want to give you some advice for your life in Japan.
    If you want to know about Samurai,trying learning Budou.

    Budou is a kind of sports that were learned by Samurai.
    It is famous as karate,kendo.
    Samurai is well known in the world.
    If you learn about Samurai,It would be good carrer in your life.
    I think it also effects on your buseiness.

    I hope that you will spend nice day in Japan.
    Japan has many beautiful culture.
    I recomend you to get in contact with some of them.
    You can know about Japan deeply.

    Best rigards,
    Shintaro Sato

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    1. 3 about samurai, trying learning Budou
      about the samurai, you should try learning Budou.
      5 learned by Samurai
      learned by the sumurai
      6 as karate, kendo
      as karate and kendo
      11 beautiful culture
      beautiful cultures

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    2. Dear Sam,
      I'm happy to hear that you want to live in Japan for a long time.
      I want to give you some advice for your life in Japan.
      If you want to know about Samurai,trying learning Budo.

      Budo is a kind of sports that were learned by Samurai.
      Karate and Judo are famous as Budo.
      Samurai is well known in the world.
      If you learn about Samurai,It would be good career in your life.
      I think that exprerience will affect your buseiness.
      You can go to City hall and ask where you can play Budo.

      I hope that you will spend nice day in Japan.
      Japan has many beautiful culture.
      I recommend you to get in contact with some of them.
      You can know about Japan deeply.

      Best rigards,
      Shintaro

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    3. Good advice.
      Explain what Samurai and Kendo. Not so many people know about them.

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  3. Are you enjoying your life in Japan? I'll give you some advice. If you want to visit many places in Japan, you should visit Sendai first.
    Sendai is the center of Miyagi. Miyagi is located in the northern part of Japan. Sendai isn't far from Tokyo. And also Sendai is the biggest city in Miyagi. Sendai has beautiful sea,some big mountains and nature is very well.
    If you have a chance to go to Sendai,you should try two things.
    First,you should try visiting Aoba castle. The castle was built by Date Masamune in 1871. He was a strong samurai. One side of his eye was not work. If you visit there,you can see his statue.
    Secound,you should try watching baseball game at the stadium in Sendai. Baseball is not popular in New Zealand. So I think you can enjoy to see baseball game in Japan.
    I hope your trip to Sendai will make you interesting.
    Best regards,
    Shunsuke

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    1. is→are
      1871→1600~1615
      was not →did not
      enjoy to→enjoy~ing

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    2. Are you enjoying your life in Japan? I'll give you some advice. If you want to visit many places in Japan,you should visit Sendai first.

      Sendai is located in the northern part of Japan. And also the city is one of the biggest cities in Japan.The city has beautiful sea,some big mountains and nature are very beautiful.

      I want to you to try two activities in Sendai.
      First,you should try visiting Aoba Castle. The castle was built by Date Masamune in 1600~1615. He was a strong samurai. One side of his eye wasn't work. If you visit there,you can see his statue.
      Second,you should try watching baseball game at a stadium in Sendai. Baseball isn't popular in New Zealand. So I think you can enjoy watching baseball game.

      I hope your trip to Sendai will make you interesting.
      Best regards,
      Shunsuke

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    3. Good suggestions.
      I want you to ...=> I suggest you ...
      make you interesting=> male you interested

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  4. I'm glad to hear that you're enjoying your life in japan.But you said the japanese climate is hard for you.So I'll recomend you to climb Mt,Fuji and skiing.

    As you know, Mt,Fuji is the highest mountain in japan.And this mountain is loved by all japanese people.Because there are many history and nature.The color of the mountain changes on each season.In winter it became white, and in summer you can see red fuji named "Akafuji" cleary in the evening.So this mountain is famous for sightseeing.

    Also you can enjoy special seasnoble activities.In summer you should try climbing Mt,Fuji because the temperature on the top of the mountain is cool.So you can spend a good time without the problem of temperature.In winter you should try skiing in Mt,Fuji. There is a large ground to ski. I think you haven't skied in New Zealand many time.So I think you will be able to spend fresh time.

    Sam,you said you don't like summer and wimter. But I think if there hadn't been these two seasons you can't enjoy climbing mountain and skiing.I hope you will enjoy your life more to visit Mt,Fuji.

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    1. 1. in japan-in Japan 3,5. this mountain-the mountain
      3.there are-there is 4.it became-it become
      7.the problem-a problem

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    2. I'm glad to hear you're enjoying your life in Japan.But you said the Japanese climate is hard for you.I'll recommend you to climbing Mt,Fuji and skiing.

      As you know Mt,Fuji is the highest mountain in Japan.And this mounatain is loved by all Japanesse people.Because there are a lot of history and nature.The color of the mountain changes on each season.In winter it becomes white,and in summer you can sea red Mt,Fuji named "Akafuji"claery in the evening.This is why this mountain is famous for sightseeing.

      Also you can enjoy specail seasonable activities.in summer you should try climbing Mt,Fuji because the temperture of the top of the moountain is cool.So you can spend good time without the problem of the temperture.In winter you should try skiing in Mt,Fuji.Tere is a large ground to ski.I think you haven't skied in New Zealand many time.If you could ski you will be spend fresh time.

      Sam,you said you ddon't like summer and winter..But I think if there hadn't been these two seasons you cann't enjoy seasonable activities such as climbing mountain and skiing.I hope you woll be able to enjoy your life more to visit Mt,Fuji.

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    3. Unique suggestion.
      recommend you to climbing=> recommend you to climb
      seasonable=> seasonal

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  5. I'm glad to hear you've enjoying your life here in Tokyo and want to spend some more years.So I'd like to give you advice that may make you staying even more exciting.I recommend you to travel to Hiroshima.
    There are two World Heritage in Hiroshima.The first World Heritage is Itukushima shrine.It is famous for red gig torri.The second World Heritage is the Atomic Bomb Dome.
    You can see what happened in Hiroshima when the Atomic Bomb Dome droped in Hiroshima.
    Also,there are a lot of delicious foods.For example,okonomiyaki oyster monizimanzyu nd so on.I recommed you to okonomiyaki beacause it is the most famous food in Hiroshima.It has eggs cabbabe bean sprouts and noodle.There ara a lot of okonomiyaki restaurant.So you can eat it somewhere.
    Sam,I believe Hiroshima offers the most excitind experiences for you.I hope a trip to Hiroshima will make your life in Japan even more enjoyable.
    Best Regards,
    Yoshiki

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    1. 3,I recommend you to okonomiyaki->I will recommend okonomiyaki to you
      6,gig->big
      10,monizimanzyu->momijimanju
      11,I recommed you to okonomiyali->I recommended okonomiyaki to you
      13,There are a lot of okonomiyaki restaurant->There are a lot of okonomiyaki restaurants
      14,So you can eat it somewhere->everywhere

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    2. I'm glad to hear you've enjoying your life here in Tokyo and want to spend some more years. So I'd like to give ou advice that may make you staying even more exciting.I recommend you to travel to Hiroshima.

      THere are two World Heritage in Hiroshima.The first World Heritage is Itukushima shrine.It is famous for red big torii.The second World Heritage is the Atomic Bomb Dome.You can see what happened when the Atomic Bomb Dome droped in Hiroshima.

      Also, there are a lot of delicious foods.For example,okonomiyaki oyster momijimanju and so on. I recommended okonomiyaki to you because it is the most famous food in Hiroshima It has eggs cabbabe bean sprouts and noodle.There are a lot of okonomiyaki restaurants.So you can eat it everywhere.

      Sam,I believe Hiroshima offers the most excitied experience for you.I hope a trip to Hiroshima will make your life in Japan even more enjoyable.
      Best Regards,
      Yoshiki

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    3. Good suggestions.
      The first World Heritage... The second ...=> One is ... And the other is ...
      you can eat it everywhere=> anywhere in Hiroshima

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  6. I'm glad to hear that you're enjoying your life in Japan and you'll spend more time in Japan. So, I'd like to give you a piece of advice that your life inJspsn will be more exciting and memorable. I recommend you to go to Shibuya snd Harajuku.

    Both of Shibuya and Harajuku are town in Tokyo. There are always crowded with people. Because there are many shops, buildings, and so on. There are few nature. But Yoyogi park is near by Harajuku, if you tired with people, you can take a brake in the park. It is filled of nature.

    There are many shops I wrote, as clothes shops, restaurant or caffe, and other fathion tings. So, teenagers and young people gather in Shibuya and Harajuku. And also foreigners comes too. They enjoy Japanese cute things, that called "kawaii" in Harajuku. The town of Harajuku is full of "kawaii". And, Shibuya is most fashionable town. If you go there, You'll enjoy Fashion of trend, and Japanese oliginal culture.

    I think Shibuya and Harajuku is most effective town for young people. To go to both town is maybe impress you. I hope going to Shibuya and Harajuku will make your life in Japan even more enjoyable.

    Best regards,
    Ikumi.

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    1. 1.If you tired with people→If you are tired with people

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    2. I'm glad to hear that you're enjoying your life in Japan and you'll spend more time in Japan. So I'd like to give you a piece of advice that your life in Japan will be more exciting and memorable. I recommenf you to go yo Shibuya and Harajuku.

      Both Shibuya and Harajuku are town in Tokyo. There are always crowded with people. Because there are many shops, buildings, and so on. But there are few nature. Yoyogi park, full of nature, is near by Harajuku. If you feel tired eith people, you can take a brake in the park.

      There are many shops I wrote. For example, clothes shops, restaurant, caffe, and other fation things. So, young people gather in Shibuya and Harajuku. And also, foreigners comes too.

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    3. Good combination, people and nature.
      that your life in Japan will be...=> that will make your life in Japan more ...
      Singular/Plural errors!!!

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  7. Oh, You like traveling!I would like you to enjoy traveling better.I recommend you to travel to Hiroshima.
    I suggest you to eat Hiroshima's famous food. It's okonomiyaki; a meat and vegetable pancake.Hiroshima's okanomiyaki is contain noodles. Okonomiyaki is quite filling. So I think you would be prenty at once.

    I suggest you to go to the city of Hiroshima. Hiroshima is a one of the town that thrown down an atomic bomb. Hiroshima has a museum which are related to atomic bomb.
    There is the wide road in the city. There is a big festival once a year. there are a lot of stands like okonomiyaki, candies and a haunted house. I think you could enjoy without listening skil.

    I think you would live a full travel in Hiroshima.



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    1. 2 better→more
      11 which are→which is

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    2. You like traveling! I would like to enjoy traveling more. I recommend you to travel to Hiroshima.

      I suggest that you eat Hiroshima's famous food. It's Okonomiyaki;a meat and vegetable pancake. Hiroshima's okonomiyaki is contain noodles. Okonomiyaki is quite filling. I think you would be prenty at once.

      I suggest that you go to the city of Hiroshima. Hiroshima is one of the town that thrown down an atomic bomb. Hiroshima has a museum which is related to atomic bomb.
      There is the wide road in the city. There is a big festival only once a year. There are a lot of stands, like okonomiyaki, candies and a haunted house. I think you could enjoy without listening skill.

      I think you could enjoy traveling in Japan.

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    3. Good description for Okonomiyaki.
      I'd like to enjoy ...=> I'd like you to ...
      is contain ...=> contains ...

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  8. I'd like to give you a piece of advice. I suggest that you go to Okinawa.
    Okinawa is southern island of Japan,and it is very warm. Okinawa differ from the main island of Japan in that there is unique and beautiful nature. For example,the sea of Okinawa is very beautiful,and it have many colorful fish.
    Also, There is the island of Okinawa at many removes from the main island of Japan.So,The culture is different from other region of Japan. As you know,Japanese cultural clothes is Kimono,but Ryuso is cultural clothes in Okinawa. Ryuso looks similar Kimono, but it has some different points from Kimono.
    Okinawa is very enjoyable place. I hope that you go to Okinawa.

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    1. 5 have= has
      6 removes= removed
      8 from= of

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    2. I'm glad to hear that you are enjoying your life in Japan. I'd like to give you a piece of advice. I suggest that you go to Okinawa.
      Okinawa is the southern island of Japan,and it is very warm. The island of Okinawa differ from the main island of Japan in that it has unique and beautiful nature. For example,the sea of Okinawa is very beautiful,and it has many colorful fish.
      Also, there is the island of Okinawa at many removed from the main island of Japan.So,the culture is different from the other regions of Japan. As you know,Japanese cultural clothes are Kimono,but Ryuso is cultural clothes in Okinawa. Ryuso looks similar Kimono, but it has some different points of Kimono.
      Okinawa is very enjoyable place. I hope that you go to Okinawa.

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    3. Good writing.
      looks similar kimono=> looks similar to ...
      is very enjoyable place=> a very ...

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  9. Dear Sam
    I am very glad to hear that you are enjoying your life in Japan and you want to stay here more long time. So, I will give you advice that will make your life in Japan more exciting. I recommend you to visit Nagasaki.
    Nagasaki is faces the sea and it has "Dejima" that was used for trading. During Edo piriod, exchanges with foreign country were prohibited and only the Netherlands was permitted to do trade in Dejima. So, you can enjoy both Japanese and Dutch culture there.
    Also there are famous food "Nagasaki Champon". It is a Nagasaki speciality of Chinese noodle soup with seafood, meat and vegetables. When it is cold, it will keep you warm.
    I am sure that you have a good time there. I hope you can enjoy a trip to Nagasaki.
    Best Regards,
    Chiharu

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    1. 4.Nagasaki is faces the sea -> Nagasaki borders the sea

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    2. Dear Sam
      I am very glad to hear that you are enjoying life in Japan and you want to stay here more long time. So, I will give you some advice that will make your life in Japan more exciting. I recommend you to visit Nagasaki.
      Nagasaki borders the sea and it has "Dejima" that had used for trading. During Edo piriod, exchanges with foreign country were proibited and only the Netherlands was permitted to do trade in Dejima. So, you can enjoy both Japanese and Dutch cultures there.
      Also there are some famous food in Nagasaki. "Nagasaki Champon" is a one of them. It is a Nagasaki speciality of Chinese noodles soup with seafood, meat and vegetables. when it is cold, it will keep you warm.
      I am sure that you have a good time there. I hope you can enjoy a trip to Nagasaki.
      Best Regards,
      Chiharu.

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    3. Very good writing.
      and only the Netherlands...=> but only ...
      I am sure... I hope you ...=> no need to repeat the same thing.

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