Write an essay describing a special new school
you are creating.
Introduction: Introduce your plan for a special new school in
two or three sentences. Clarify the key points you will explain in the
body.
Body: Write two or three supporting points followed
by an explanation/example for each point. Try using transition words to keep your
paragraph unified; .First, Also, Second, In addition, Finally =>5-6 sentences
Conclusion: Restate and/or emphasize your main idea in one or
two sentences.
=> around 120 words
I create new school that students can choose the class which they want to take. Also, they can take online lessons and real ones. In normal school, students must choose liberal course or science course. However, I think it’s a bad idea for them because it makes them limit their possibilities and future jobs. In addition, committing school is spending time and a lot of money. I hope that students have more choices and growing in their school lives.
返信削除79 words. You want to explain more about your school, instead of your opinions.
削除I create=> that=> where
class which … Also, they …=> classes they want online or on site.
In normal school, => In Japanese colleges, a liberal arts … or a … when they start their studies.
However, I think …=> They should/shouldn’t …
commiting school is …<=???
I hope that … => … in my school.
I want to create new school where students can choose the classes by their interesting. In Japanese colleges, students must choose a liberal arts or a science course when they start their studies. It makes them study more technically, but it also makes them limit their possibilities and future jobs. They have to study it doesn’t matter whether liberal or science I hope that students have more choices and growing in my school.
削除Akinari
返信削除I want to create a new special school that will help each student find and grow their own special talents. First, students can study subjects they really love, like art, computers, or music. Teachers will work together to support every student in the class. We will also have many events with people from the town. In this way, students can learn useful skills and become more confident for their future.
70 words. Well written. Write a concluding sentence(s).
削除love=> like/are interested in
every student=> each student in the class=> in their classes
events with people from the town<= Explain more. Which town? Local?
confident for=>
I want to create a new special school that will help each student find and grow their own unique talents. First, students can study subjects they are interested in, like art, computers, or music. Teachers will work together to support students in their classes. We will also have many events with people from the local town. In this way, students can learn useful skills and become more confident in their future. For these reasons, I want to create a new school that can help people find and grow their unique talents.
削除My business idea is to start a new cram school to go to university. I will make a school that encourage students to learn independently. First, I will make students plan what they need to study or how to study by themselves. It's important to do self management to become university students. Second, all classes will be private. They math with each person's individual levels and understanding. I think it is necessary for students to study themselves and take lessons at their levels.
返信削除83 words. Very well organized.
削除My business …=> I will start … to prepare …
I will make …=> My cram school will … study …
I will make students …=> I will help students …
do self management=> manage their time become university students=> study in college
all classes will be private=> each class is held for an individual student
They math with …<=???
I think it is …=> My school will help …
I want to create a special new school called “Active High School.” In this school, students can study and enjoy sports every day. First, they can choose their favorite sport and practice with professional coaches. Also, they will learn about sports science and how to train safely. In addition, the school will teach teamwork and a healthy lifestyle. I believe this school will help students grow strong, smart, and kind through sports.
返信削除72 words. Very well explained and written.
削除practice with=> practice it with
learn about => learn sports ... train what?
teach teamwork … => have students learn the importance and value of …
grow (adj), (adj), (adj) => develop physical and mental strength Why kind???
I want to create a special new school called “Active High School.” In this school, students can study and enjoy sports every day. First, they can choose their favorite sport and practice it with professional coaches. They will also learn sports science and how to train their body safely. Students will learn the importance and value of teamwork and a healthy lifestyle. This school will help them develop physical and mental strength.
削除
返信削除Tamaki
My plan for a special new school is to have only five students in one class and change the member of a class every six months
First, students can discuss the topic covered in classes deeper because they have to spend long time with other few students. Chatting with each other, and exchanging their ideas frequently leads to deep thinking. Also, by changing the member of a class, they can talk with many kinds of people, and gain a deep understanding of various people's ways of thinking.
I think it is good idea to have 5 students in a class and change the member of it every six months.
109 words. Very well structured and explained.
削除in one class=> in each class member of … => members every …
First, … deeper because …=> First, … in depth with other …
Chatting … and exchanging …=> Chatting and exchanging … ideas will help them learn things better.
Also, by changing …=> Also, when they have new classmates, they will …
I think …=> Small class size and interactions with … will …
Shizuka
返信削除I will create a school specializes in Essay and Interview. It targets students who use recommendations or are looking for jobs. I will create two courses. The first course helps students improve their reading and writing skills for essay writing, and it targets students who write essays in entrance exam. The next class helps students develop expressiveness and attitude in interviews, it targets students who have interview exam or job interviews. Essays and interviews are required some entrance exams and other many situations, so improving these skills is important.
89 words. Well explained. Write in shorter sentences.
削除a school specializes=> a school that … essay writing and interview preparations.
use recommendations<=??? It targets students who want to improve their writing skills and prepare for job interviews..
The first … writing, and it targets …=> The first course is for high school students who …
The next class …=> The other class is for those who want to prepare for interview tests or job interviews.
Essays and …, so …=> My school will be specialized in …, which aren’t taught by other schools.